If Men Ran The World
- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. – Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a “Nice hustle, yoúll get ‘em next time” would pretty much do it. – Birth control would come in ale or lager. – Valentinés Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. – St. Patrick’s Day would be celebrated every month. – Garbage would take itself out. – The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Anglẹ” – Instead of “beer-belly,” yoúd get “beer-biceps.” – Tanks would be far easier to rent. – Two words… “Ally McNaked.” – When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your finẹ As in: Cop: “You know how fast you were going?” You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the placẹ” Cop :”Nice one, That’s $10.00 off”. – People would never talk about how fresh they felt. – Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. – Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. – The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. – It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. – Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said “Yoúre #1!” – When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, shéd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. – Nođing and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to “I love yoụ” – The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEỌ – “Sorry Ím late, but I got wasted last night,” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. – At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstonẹ – Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
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