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The Perfect Day – Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and [...]
How can you tell if you’re making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. A nurse says hold still this won’t hurt a bit. And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose [...]
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot [...]
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have [...]
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. [...]
“Passionate kiss like spider’s web – soon lead to undoing of fly.” “Virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone!” “Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.” “Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.” “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” “Man trapped in whore house get jerked [...]
Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America. Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, “I’ll change me name to Buck, adding ck to the end.” Chu then said, “then I’ll become Chuck.” After a long pause, Fu said, “I guess I’ll [...]
A tourist from China was traveling to New York City for a two week vacation. He went to the bank as soon as he arrived in order to exchange his Chinese money for American money. He gave the teller 1000 yuan, and the teller in turn gave him 150 dollars. A week went by, and [...]
Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel’s butt, just then a guy comes over and says, “What are you doing?” Osama replies, “About 2 miles back [...]
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech. [...]