Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China

Indonesian Nazi Goreng – Hong Kong

Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos – Cairo

French fried ships – Cairo

Garlic Coffee – Europe

Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) – Europe

Boiled Frogfish – Europe

Sweat from the trolley – Europe

Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream – China

Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse – Hong Kong

Roasted duck let loose – Poland

Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion – Poland

Fried friendship – Nepal

Strawberry crap – Japan

Pork with fresh garbage – Vietnam

Toes with butter and jam – Bali

French Creeps – L.A.

Fried fishermen – Japan

Teppan Yaki – Before Your Cooked Right Eyes – Japan

Pepelea’s Meat Balls – Romania

Product Names

Clean Finger Nail – Chinese tissues

Kolic – Japanese mineral water

Creap Creamy Powder – Japanese Coffee Creamer

Swine – Chinese chocolates

Libido – Chinese soda

Pocari Sweat – Japanese sport drink

Shocking – Japanese chewing gum

Cat Wetty – Japanese moistened hand towels

Pipi – Yugoslavian orangeade

Polio – Czechoslovakian laundry detergent

Crundy – Japanese gourmet candy

Superglans – Netherlands car wax

I’m Dripper – Japanese instant coffee

Zit – Greek soft drink

Colon Plus – Spanish detergent

source form: ahajokes

Microsoft: “How much are you going to pay today?”

MTV: “Loud and easy to spell.”

Saks 5th Avenue: “You Could Shop Here if You’re Poor, But That Would be Stupid!”

Iguana: “The other green meat.”

Nike: “Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!”

Daisy Air Rifles: “Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years.”

Canon Photocopiers: “Quit calling them Xeroxes!”

Apple MacIntosh: “Hey, we thought of it first!”

Radio Shack: “You’ve got questions, we’ve got geek losers!”

Professional Bowling on NBC: “Oh, why don’t you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?”

source form: ahajokes

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

source form: ahajokes

Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.

Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.

Diners who don’t want to eat the items – which taste like unsalted popcorn – can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.

Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

source form: ahajokes

source form: ahajokes

The bartender says to him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone is fine. I’ve just quit drinking!”

“About two hours,” says the conductor.

“Okay,” says the drunkard, “then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?”

The irate conductor says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours, laddie. Why’d ya think there’d be a difference?”

“Well,” says the drunk, “it’s only a week between Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s a helluva long time between New Year’s and Christmas!

The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, but then held it out over the beer and yelled, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!!”

“What are you doing?” asked the American.

“Oh, I’m selling skulls”, replied the Irishman.

“And what skulls do you have?” said Bud.

“Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!” said the Irishman.

“That’s great!” said Bud. “Give me some names!”

“Well!” said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. “That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that’s Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland…God bless his soul..”

“Sorry” said Bud, “But did you say St. Patrick?”

“That’s correct!” said the Irishman.

“I have to have that!” said Bud and paid him $1,650.00 in cash. Bud flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub. People came from all over America to view this famous Skull. He made a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man. During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land that made him a fortune.

Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs.

“Goodness”, said Bud, “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m selling skulls”, replied the Irishman.

“And what skulls do you have today?” said Bud.

“Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!” said the Irishman.

“That’s great!” said Bud. “Give me some names!”

“Well!” said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. “That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that’s Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland…God bless his soul..”

“Sorry” said Bud, “But did you say St. Patrick?”

“That’s Correct!” said the Irishman.

“Well!”, said Bud, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that the skull was St. Patrick.”

“Oh yes!” said the Irishman, “I remember you now!…you see… This is St. Patrick when he was a Boy!!”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”