Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce – China

Indonesian Nazi Goreng – Hong Kong

Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos – Cairo

French fried ships – Cairo

Garlic Coffee – Europe

Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) – Europe

Boiled Frogfish – Europe

Sweat from the trolley – Europe

Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream – China

Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse – Hong Kong

Roasted duck let loose – Poland

Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion – Poland

Fried friendship – Nepal

Strawberry crap – Japan

Pork with fresh garbage – Vietnam

Toes with butter and jam – Bali

French Creeps – L.A.

Fried fishermen – Japan

Teppan Yaki – Before Your Cooked Right Eyes – Japan

Pepelea’s Meat Balls – Romania

Product Names

Clean Finger Nail – Chinese tissues

Kolic – Japanese mineral water

Creap Creamy Powder – Japanese Coffee Creamer

Swine – Chinese chocolates

Libido – Chinese soda

Pocari Sweat – Japanese sport drink

Shocking – Japanese chewing gum

Cat Wetty – Japanese moistened hand towels

Pipi – Yugoslavian orangeade

Polio – Czechoslovakian laundry detergent

Crundy – Japanese gourmet candy

Superglans – Netherlands car wax

I’m Dripper – Japanese instant coffee

Zit – Greek soft drink

Colon Plus – Spanish detergent

source form: ahajokes

Microsoft: “How much are you going to pay today?”

MTV: “Loud and easy to spell.”

Saks 5th Avenue: “You Could Shop Here if You’re Poor, But That Would be Stupid!”

Iguana: “The other green meat.”

Nike: “Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!”

Daisy Air Rifles: “Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years.”

Canon Photocopiers: “Quit calling them Xeroxes!”

Apple MacIntosh: “Hey, we thought of it first!”

Radio Shack: “You’ve got questions, we’ve got geek losers!”

Professional Bowling on NBC: “Oh, why don’t you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?”

source form: ahajokes

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

source form: ahajokes

Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.

Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.

Diners who don’t want to eat the items – which taste like unsalted popcorn – can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.

Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

source form: ahajokes

source form: ahajokes

Al Gore Concession Speech, 1st Draft
Good evening, my fellow American: Tonight we come to the end of a long road
and the start of a new one. Having exhausted all avenues of appeal in the U.S. and Florida, my legal team has filed a claim in World Court seeking to overturn the Florida elect..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 2nd Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight, in the spirit of national unity and despite being the undisputed winner of the popular vote..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 3rd Draft
Good evening, everyone. Many of you no doubt know what it feels like to get royally shaf..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 4th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Although it is the opinion of my attorneys and myself that I do not fit the legal definition of “loser,” ..

Crumple, crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 5th Draft Good evening, my fellow Americans. Approximately 12 million light years ago, when I was first dispatched to your planet from Zolloid 9 ..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 6th Draft
I can’t do this. I just can’t do this.

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 7th Draft
Hello, my fellow Americans. It’s been a long and difficult month for me and, indeed, for the entire nation. But the time has come for us all to throw our enthusiastic support behind our next president, George W. Buhh
Bbb .
Bahoo. (laugh) Pardon me. Let me try that again: President
George
W. Buh,
Buh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PEOPLE! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO PUNCH OUT A FREAKIN’ CARDBOARD HOLE IN A BALLOT! MORONS!

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 8th Draft
My fellow Americans, in light of recent unfavorable court decisions, it has come to my understanding that a majority of you want to turn the country over to a recovering alcoholic and functional illiterate..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 9th Draft (folksy approach) Good evening, my fellow Americans. You know, when I was young boy frolicking on the zero-gravity ash fields of Zolloid 9, it never occurred to me when I downloaded the human emotion coding sequence..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 10th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Have you ever known someone who took something from a store without paying for it? That’s called “stealing,” and in American stealing is a cri..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 11th Draft
My fellow American, most of you probably know how to count. One. Two. Three. And so on. See? It’s not that difficult. (Smile). So can someone please explain to me why the state of Florida..

Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 12 Draft
Good evening, everyone. Generally speaking, civil war is never a good thing. But there are times . ah, forget it.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy”.

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.

That clears up a lot of things.

Gore: My gosh, it was terrible!
Aide: What?

Gore: This nightmare I had–I dreamed I was running against Dan Quayle.

Aide: What’s so terrible about that? Seems to me it’d be a slam dunk for you.

Gore: You don’t understand. I was in this debate–and the first thing they ask ed was, “Which of you is Al and which of you is Dan?”

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.

source from: vickysjokes

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???…)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:”Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and…I’m taking this because???…..)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

source from: vickysjokes

On a flight from Saigon to Los Angerles, an American sat beside a

Vietnamese. American asked Vietnamese

On a flight from Saigon to Los Angerles, an American sat beside a
Vietnamese. American asked Vietnamese
-What kind of “ese” are you?
-Excuse me?
-What kind of “ese” are you?
-Excuse me, I don’t understand what you meant.
-Stupid! Are you Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese?
-Oh! I am a vietnamese.
After 2 hours.
Vietnamese asked American:
-What kind of “kee” are you?
-What? What do you mean by key
-Are you monkey, donkey or Yankee.

source from: khoa-lhl

source from: funnyandjokes